I don’t get the modern world. We are currently on fire, the dust and soot and ash is insidious and I sometimes I lay awake at night wondering if my kids will ever know the New England and Tenterfield that I fell in love with. I can lay awake for hours wondering if Carol from The Walking Dead taught me enough to deal with being a heroine in a post-apocalyptic world. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I wonder if I have to make the choice between water and my children, then how many people will I kill? If you think I am being extremist just utter the words Hitler and Pol Pot to remind yourself of what our modern civilisation is capable of.
Two of my dearest friends call my Polly. It still confuses me that they call me Polly as I think I am a deep cess-pit of depravity but the fact they call me Polly makes me feel perky and I love them for it. I love them too much to ever explain in words how their friendship has kept me whole and saved me on more occasions than one from a darkness that was all consuming.
It is funny, I am a Mum but I have never written a poem about my mum. I wish I could by I can’t. Some things can’t be put into words.
Then I wrote this which is completely crap but trying to sum up my Momma is a challenge.
My momma and I were often at odds.
I was never the favourite, quite the opposite.
But there was always so much love.
Crumbling mints at the Avenue,
Swinging her hips and saying,
Oh, oh, oh this is my favourite.
Late Friday nights,
Cigarette smoke on the air.
A Momma who opened the door,
And sent your love from afar.
Surrounded by love,
In books, in smiles, in looks and more.
My Momma always made me complete.
One smile, I am undone, I was at her feet.
I am tough because of my Momma. This is one of my all time favourite photos of my Momma and it fills me with so much joy. We were in Italy, the world that is kind to my battered heart, before our world went topsy-turvy. My Momma knows how happy this place makes me and for that I will love her forever.
Momma, you created a girl who can survive this world with kindness, empathy and most importantly humour – how amazing are you? I will love you forever.